arden_drake

diss_tress @ 7:42pm: Un-settling.
( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

sinvokasha @ 9:55pm: News on the DJing front...

Category: Spookiness

1. My new Gemini CDM-3600 unit showed up last week.  I'm very fond of both the unit and the case it came with, so I'm looking forward to using it the next time I DJ. 
   
   I am very confident that it will be a much better set-up, especially what with the concerns that now come with the DJ booth being beside the dance floor, as this means we now have the combination of better anti-shock on the decks + a case with foam padding for the whole thing to sit in while it's being used.



2. I was supposed to guest DJ at Datalink this week. 
   
   However, unfortunately I have just found out from the organizer that there will be no Datalink this week, so the guest spot will have to be some other time.
   
   On the other hand, an upside of this is that now I don't have to skip tea this Friday.



3. I had previously said that I would not be having a guest DJ at Chimera on Thursday, July 30.  However, an unexpected opportunity fell out of the sky, and because of what I'd heard from you folks who frequent Vancouver, I decided to take it.
   
   As a result, our guest DJ at the July event will be DJ Vortex from Sanctuary. 
   
   So all you "Vancouver is so much better than Calgary" types had better be there.

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hindmost @ 6:45am: XLVI
In the maturing dusk the vastness of the lobby created a continuity that threatened to claw its way into higher dimensions in an effort to justify its existence. Geometrically straight lines met somewhere in the remote gloom.

The scale was terrifying.

The staccato illumination of nearby lightening strikes acknowledged a Brobdingnagian black gallery 30 stories tall, a canyon of balcony-rimmed glass overlooking a malevolent-seeming artificial lagoon. Crystal walkways criss-crossed the chasm at various depths. Plate glass windows formed the entire western wall, looking out onto the desert.

It was the embodiment of the luxury and extravagance of Emirati finance.

And it appeared untouched by the chaos outside, as if it were only experiencing a temporary black out.

Feeling awfully exposed they stalked the promenade in silence, passing a mirrored banquet hall roofed with a lush garden commanding a view of the fathomless black water.

Against Audrey's loud protestations, Avery had insisted on confiscating their small cache of weapons. The laser dangled from his belt, glinting faintly in the anemic light.

Avery, the severe black man, had only reluctantly given out his name. His comrade, he said, was Pitor, originally from Chechnya. He spoke no more of Alim.

Once they passed the banquet hall, they turned left and quickly ascended a staircase that brought them parallel to the rooftop garden, itself protected from the elements by the vast canopy of glass. They hurried through a set of solid oak double doors into a hall lined with conference rooms that curved off into the distance. Sound-deadening material absorbed their weary footfalls.

Audrey looked at Avery significantly, "Can we talk now?"

"I'd rather you didn't." He looked tired.

"What the hell is going on?!"

Avery gave a deep sigh. "What do you mean?"

She looked flabbergasted. "This! All of it! What are you doing here?"

Hafizah slouched against the wall and slid down into a crouch, her head in her hands, tuning them out.

Pitor checked each of the rooms, irritated by the distraction.

"Isn't it obvious? We're getting back at those bastards." Avery spoke through clenched teeth.

Staring down the hall into the all-encompassing darkness Fatimah interjected, "Who?"

"The state. The military-industrial complex. Whatever you want to call it. Yah, yah, I know how that sounds. How cliche it all sounds. Doesn't make it any less true. Authority is arbitrary, plain and simple." He seemed suddenly alive. He paced back and forth, gesticulating wildly. "These ambitious men, there's nothing special about them. They're not any smarter than us. This," he indicated the excess that assaulted them. "This isn't a symptom of corruption. Corruption suggests deficiency. I say this is precisely how those in power designed it to work. To favor them and their friends."

Involuntarily Audrey put her fingers to her lips. "So.. you're not.. mercenaries?"

"No. God, no!"

Fatimah turned back towards him. "Okay. Say I agree with you. What then?"

"This."

Audrey stared uncomprehendingly. "Pardon?"

"We tear it all down. We shake it to its very foundations in an event so resounding, so undeniable, that maybe, just maybe, they might give pause, the ambitious men. Of course they won't be directly inconvenienced; they've all long since abandoned the planet for the habitats. But in that hesitation will be their undoing. We'll use it to seize their weapons. And then, when we're finished, we can replace it with.. something better."

A chill went through Fatimah's body. "You talk as if you've already got something in mind.." Audrey's voice was uncharacteristically level. She was in shock.

"Of course we do. We did it!" He raised his arms triumphantly.

"You.."

"We took out the solar satellite array and plunged the whole world into darkness."

bonefinder @ 1:12am:  Life.. yep, I've been busy!
And Decadently lazy as well! 

( what I've been up to... )

hindmost @ 11:48pm: Y'know, I really prefer practical effects to CG. Models and puppets any day of the week.

Actually, Jurassic Park struck the perfect balance. Practical for close up, brief shots of CG for wide angle.

sinvokasha @ 11:34pm: L33ter than thou, pt. 2

Category: Game Geekery

Damn, almost a week already since the previous entry? Oh well - in the meantime I've both made some good progress on my thesis and had an excellent weekend of friend-visiting, Stampeding and enjoying Zyclobonzaron's company.

Anyway though, I did still want to address a few subjects that came up re: my previous post about video games:

( More long-winded geekery behind here )

hindmost @ 5:18am: Been gluing the tiles for the Space Invader mosaic for the backsplash one at a time.

Need to paint the medicine cabinet black. Not sure how best to approach that.

I'm thinking mirrors for the hallway to open things up a bit.

I want to see her again.

hindmost @ 4:35am: Torchwood: Children Of Earth
Huh.

hindmost @ 8:21pm: So instead I stayed home and watched WALL•E.

jessprive @ 11:02pm:

hindmost @ 6:00pm: Really wanna go hiking in Kananaskis tomorrow but no one else wants to.

hindmost @ 5:52am: Just watched Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind again.

Cried a lot.

I've never seen a movie that so perfectly captures what it's like to be in a relationship as that one.

I wanna make popcorn for her.

hindmost @ 2:35am: Zombine.
Perhaps this is becoming tiresome, but I realize how ridiculously good I have it.

Compared to most people. Compared to most people throughout history.

I try to always be aware of that. I think it's disrespectful to not be conscious of how awful conditions are in much of the world.

I'm not in pain. I love my job. I can say whatever I like, pretty much, without being arrested, forced to participate in a show trial, and executed a week later. I have luxuries denied history's most powerful men a few short centuries ago, too numerous to list, and I'm lower-middle class.

And I'm content with that. I have no real desire to be wealthy if it means sacrificing my leisure, if it means sacrificing my happiness. I must confess a certain romanticizing of all things bohemian. Life should be about living, not worrying about society's expectations.

I have good friends.

I have access to the sum of all human knowledge, essentially.

I know my place in the universe better than any previous generation, and that knowledge is constantly being refined.

I realized I like being a nice person. I try to be a good person. I don't want to hurt anyone or make mean comments or think mean thoughts like Holden Caulfield.

When I play role playing games, like Fallout 3 for example, when given the choice I always try to act how I would in real life. The game's version of an aptitude test said I should be a chaplain. Except.. I'm an atheist. When my character was escaping I chose to help the bully character and save his mom, it just felt natural.

I never quite understood games where the entire appeal is being a horrible person, where the game FORCES you to be a horrible person, even, like GTA: Vice City. I have absolutely no desire, not even vicariously, to participate in a drive-by shooting or home invasion.

But I'm a Nazi, apparently, because of the clothes I choose to wear.

Y'know, I think I've finally reattained that equilibrium I had achieved 3 years ago, except this time I feel more aware, better for it, less unconsciously destructive. It's been a difficult path, but I'm glad I traveled it.

I'm mostly happy.

Sure I get lonely. Perhaps I fixate too much on numerical values. 2 years. But I know others who've been single for far longer and it's disingenuous of me to complain. And I know others who enter into relationships out of desperation and later regret it, and I don't want to do that.

I think I miss feeling wanted the most. Feeling like there was someone who cared. Feeling comfortable around another human being.

Those are valid human needs, but it does the rest of my life a disservice to focus too much on them.

And we'll see if anything happens this time.

If not I've still got a lot of work to do before I'm done.

Oh, and the power conditioner wasn't broken, I just tripped the built-in breaker. That's the first time I've done that; didn't even know it had one. Apparently I was drawing over 1800 watts.

sinvokasha @ 8:12pm: Goth-rivet-bitch, pt. 2

Category: For Fucksakes

I've just disabled comments on all my posts related to Michael Jackson and/or the most recent Chimera.

Reason being that I just got yet another person-I-probably-don't-even-know posting "oh you horrible judgmental goths"-type comments.  Well, actually only one comment, but the individual - apparently frustrated at not seeing their brilliant words appear on the screen immediately - attempted to post it multiple times due to the 7-day-moderation rule I have on this journal, since it is apparently oh-so-important that we (or at least one of us) be advised of the error of our ways.

It's an interesting aspect of the scene, I've noticed personally, that the majority of goths/rivetheads/blackclads (I'll just say goths for the rest of this entry) who go on the Internet will at some point or other make a post or comment that, to someone who doesn't know them, causes them to come off sounding like a closed-minded asshole.  Yet if you actually meet most of us you discover that we're not much worse than the rest of the population that has opinions, except that we are sometimes more outspoken about ours. 

And since it's an obvious fact that nobody in the world likes everything, I continue to be mystified as to why goths get crucified for talking about what they don't like as if they are doing something far worse than what everyone else is doing.  It might be 'judgmental,' but as per this previous post, I think people who paid money to be at an event are allowed to have an opinion about what they like and don't like to encounter at it.

If the whole catty goth thing rubs people who randomly encounter it the wrong way, I can understand that.  However, if said people who feel that way are really oh so much more open-minded and thus superior in relation to us, I don't see why they don't just ignore us and leave us to be our 'miserable' selves, instead of trying to start flame wars over it.  i.e. if our posts/comments piss you off, fair enough, but I don't really understand what you think you're gaining by calling us out over it.

Don't get me wrong, I like flame wars in some circumstances, this just isn't one of them.  Especially when the flame entails not just an attack on someone's opinion but also an attack on their appearance.  We black-clads are funny-looking and therefore not entitled to criticize anyone else's looks, apparently.  Whatever.

Speaking of judging and appearances, I think it's odd how often people reply to judgmentalness by accusing the 'judge' of having delusions of their own perfection.  Whereas my experience on this front is that I don't need to be perfect to judge someone.  I just need to be better than them.

It's my opinion in any case that everyone judges to some extent, but goths are just more forward about it, and therefore get singled out by other people who are probably also judgmental about all kinds of things.  You know, like the bitterness/self-righteousness/shallowness/general patheticness of goths, for instance.  But people say to themselves, I talk less about my judgments than goths do, therefore I'm a better person while meanwhile they are probably still thinking all the same negative things about other people on the inside.  Way to not be a hypocrite there. /sarcasm

I swear random people I don't know who randomly showed up and posted on this journal used to be more enjoyable to interact with...

Anyway though: I've been wrapped up in thesis work the last couple days, but I enjoyed all your comments on my other recent posts, so I'll try to get around to responding to them in the next few days.  Might do it in a new entry at that, as some of the video game-related comments particularly gave me a lot to think about.

diss_tress @ 6:34pm: you have been deemed worthless to humanity, please kill yourself promptly.
( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

hindmost @ 5:07am: Think about all the things that bring pleasure, that bring ecstasy, fulfillment.

They're worth living for.

Our cells will oxidize soon enough. Might as well.

But also be mindful of the extreme suffering. The sick fucks who wield power.

Be grateful for what you have.

A computer, internet, water, on command, ice so cheap you can throw it away.

We enjoy stability. We take it for granted.

Death is surreal. We become accustomed to the presence of someone and when they stop existing it fucks with our neat ordered routine. The concept is difficult to comprehend, which is a testament to how extraordinary life is in the first place, that it is near impossible to imagine the opposite.

Humans form cults around it. Come up with magical fairy tales to parse it down it into terms our minds can get a handle on, ignoring the ridiculousness of it all because we need something.

Tonight I miss you mom.

hindmost @ 3:01pm: Rain is good, hauling gear in the rain is not.

hindmost @ 2:30am: Well, my day got better.

nerf @ 8:00pm: you should learn how to say no.
Brad broke up with me this morning (immediately after waking up) with very little explanation, and totally out of the blue. No warning. Apparently he is "scared" to be in a relationship. I asked him if he wanted to sleep with other people and he said "well, that might be part of it."

ASSHOLE. fuck you. fuck you so very hard.

he picked a fight with me last night, ditched me even though we had plans, and broke up with me this morning. why? so he can fuck random girls and party with his loser fucking friends. so he can live like a frat boy.
i say: knock yourself out, buddy.
and good luck with that. it's probably a really fulfilling existence, to always sleep with people you don't connect with, to never commit to anyone, and to never give a shit about anyone or anything (except his stupid fucking jack white obsession - don't get me wrong, i like jack white, but come on: maybe expend some brainpower on something more productive, like growing up, or growing a fucking spine). he doesn't give a shit about anyone, and he didn't care about me very much, and that hurts because i care about him a lot. however, i am glad i don't have to live like him. i get the intense and rich experience of adoring someone. even though it's scary to adore someone, and it sucks adoring someone who dumps you, it's much better to live your life knowning what adoration feels like. i am not a passive-aggressive coward. i am not the kind of person who picks fights with their partner to avoid initiating a breakup talk, and i am not the kind of person who passive-aggressively dumps someone. i am not the kind of person who is too cowardly to fall in love (cheesy, but hey.) brad is that kind of person. brad has to live like that. i'm sure his bullshit will catch up with him, probably really soon, when he realizes he is alone with nothing but his receding hairline, HBO, and jack white albums to keep him company.

hindmost @ 5:12pm: In a foul mood. I was happy, thanks universe for messing that up.

Went to Blame Betty to see if they had the shoes I want (they don't, and neither does Gravity Pope) and as I was walking along 17th Ave. some asshole randomly accused me of being a Nazi.

This is the second time this has happened in two weeks. The first time it was a pair of fucking cops.

So because I wear a Throbbing Gristle t-shirt I'm a Nazi? (It was this shirt: http://mog1.state51.co.uk/tid/e57f88c6dc145855fa99d741a841db2d0a6ce254/ebaizpw/fadpogjac/1045246800054.jpeg )

Yes it uses black, red, and white, very striking, I know.

But it's an auspicious knot, a fucking Buddhist symbol!

Hell, the concert I went to where I got the shirt I went to with a black woman.

I could understand if I were wearing a huge fucking swastika and walking down the street. But this isn't even a Nazi symbol, or associated with ANY white supremacist organization. And it clearly says "THROBBING GRISTLE" underneath, not, "ARYAN PRIDE".

And if this fucker who accused me of it is allowed to assume things about me by the way I look, then I'm going to assume from his baby blue t-shirt and khaki shorts and sandals that he's some jock asshole who can pat himself on the back for calling out the Nazi, but tolerates (maybe even participates in) passive forms of racism among friends and most likely uses the word gay as a pejorative.

And THEN people like Nathanial can go around actually WEARING Nazi regalia, saying racist things in public forums, posing for pictures in front of full-size Nazi banners, and people do everything they can to NOT believe that he's a Nazi, fucking DEFENDING him, saying he doesn't really mean it, he just likes the aesthetic, etc. Except for him being called a Nazi is a compliment.

Fuck.

hindmost @ 3:29pm: Why do I do this to myself? Why do I allow myself to get so worked up?

hindmost @ 3:21am: I genuinely like most of my co-workers at Hi Fi.

hindmost @ 4:55pm: Things have been interesting lately.

Very busy. A little surreal.

I don't really know what's going to happen, so I'm focusing on the things I can control.

Might be buying a monitor rig, four of these: http://www.madmanaudio.com/images/MADMANAUDIO%20-%20SXA250.jpg from Broken City.

But I'll have to do repairs, so I'm hoping I can barter him down somewhat from the $350 each he initially quoted me. If I could, say, get the whole package for a grand, that'd be great.

The flexibility these would offer me would be amazing. I'd be able to do more bigger shows, more shows at the Warehouse.

I could use a pair of them on stilts as a smaller PA. Maybe even get some use out of my old passive single 18 EV subs which are currently in the garage. Can't remember if those have holes in top for poles.

Might be hanging out with someone cool tomorrow, might not. If not, I plan on trying to get a bunch of shit done. Do laundry, buy like 5 tubes of Household Goop to glue on the front facing tiles of my shower because thinset sucks for vertical surfaces and maybe also do the mosaic backsplash for the sink at the same time, maybe go down to Blame Betty and look for shoes/shirt for my zoot suit, etc.

I have so little free time lately, it's astounding. Getting a lot of work. Certainly not a bad thing. Good for finances, bad for socialization.

I dunno, I'm happy. We'll see.

sinvokasha @ 5:56am: Dear prodigal son: fucking die.

Category: For Fucksakes

Some thoughts vaguely spawned by a conversation I had earlier.  Not intended as disrespect for the views of the person in that conversation, but just some steam I feel the need to blow off.  I would like this to be taken in a genuinely abstract philosophical sense, and not in a 'who is she talking about???' drama sense, because the specifics of the latter are really not that important to me right now in comparison to the more general existential questions involved.

* * *

I used to like the idea of 'being the bigger person.'  However, at some point it began to seem to me that the demand to 'be the bigger person' is grounded not on the pride of the bigger person, but on the weakness of the smaller person.  It goes a little something like this:

We, the smaller people of the world, believe that we are entitled to happily get on with our lives even if our actions have hurt the bigger people in ways that prevent them from getting on happily with their lives.  We smaller people are real human beings who deserve pity and attention every time we fuck up, no matter how many times or how little we try to improve ourselves or how many other people we hurt with our incompetence in the process.  Bigger people should go through the rest of their lives bearing the scars of our incompetence in silence, and should have no problem with being generous toward us even though we haven't done anything to deserve it, and even though our demands on them take away from other people they could also be generous toward. 

Much as I'm all for the Satanic aspiration toward self-godhood, I don't remember ever saying that I was perfect or that I'm immune to the pain that other sentient beings suffer. 

And I can think of few things more painful than being told, your enemy who horribly wronged you did so because they were weak, therefore you are supposed to pity them and help them be better, even though doing so will drain even more of your emotional resources than their previous actions have already taken from you.  To me, that's like being raped by a guy and then being told that you have to marry him in order to rehabilitate him.

( Warning: long and not necessarily coherent. )

hindmost @ 4:47am: Another day, another dollar.

Watching True Blood.